Hot
by SBNYC09
Summary: Locker room talk about Rachel sets the tone for a very strange day for Puck.


Just another quick Puckleberry fic I'm probably always going to be a Puckleberry fan because really Finn/Rachel doesn't even make sense. It's like one of those weird couples you see on Maury where one of them is like a giant and the other is barely 5 feet. Locker room talk about Rachel sets the tone for a very strange day for Puck.

Disclaimer: I had a great day. I had breakfast with my roommates Lea Michele and Diana and while I sent texts to my loving fiancé Mark Salling. I sent my assistant Ryan Murphy on a few errands and then it was time to go over lines with the great actors and actresses, and also my best friends who I work with on my show Glee. Unfortunately that was just a dream, and I honestly own nothing associated with Glee. Sadly Ryan Murphy and Fox have that pleasure. I'm just gonna have a little fun with them for a while.

Enjoy : - )

Hot

"Dude, that's crazy ass Berry you're talking about. You've slushied her more times than the entire AV club can count."

"I know, and that won't change. All I'm saying is that you can only see that much legs for that long before imagining them wrapped around you as you score the ultimate home run."  
Korofsky high fived any teammate within reaching distance. "Besides all those slushies, wet tshirts...crazy as that girl is, she's also crazy hot."

"But still crazy."

"So I'll gag her, let her think it's like kink or something and she'll never figure out that I just want her to shut the fuck up."

"Not cool dude. Besides I bet she's a screamer - like _really_ loud."

"I've got to get under her skirt. Crazy or not, it's not right that there's a girl that hot walking around this school who hasn't had the pleasure of well being _pleasured_ by me." He laughed out loud and handed out more high fives over his own joke.

Puck tried to focus on working out, but the locker room talk surrounding him made it impossible. A part of him wanted to mention to Korofsky that there were many women still waiting to be _pleasured_ by him - oddly they were all girls who had the apparent displeasure of sleeping with him. Thank goodness for the Puckasaurus or else there would be a lot more unsatisfied women hanging around McKinley High. He didn't even know what started all this talk about the glee club diva. He hated Berry as much as the next guy, but that didn't mean she deserved to be the subject of locker room BS. Besides the last thing he needed were thoughts of Berry on his mind. Especially when he knew what that mouth felt like, how her long legs felt wrapped around his waist. Too bad she's so damned crazy because without the insanity she really would be hot.

Clearly today wasn't Puck's day. First all that locker room talk putting thoughts of Rachel Berry being hot into his head and now this. Puck watched Rach and Britt go over steps to a new routine they would hopefully be doing for Sectionals. He was sitting it out simply because he couldn't focus when she kept moving like that. They couldn't have chosen a more innocent song than "Hey Mickey" but with the Cheerio's routines mixed in with both Rachel and Britt's dancing experience it looked hot. Britt had even managed to find Rach an extra Cheerios uniform to practice in. If he thought she was hot everyday when she looked like a midget schoolgirl, he didn't know what hot was until he saw her in a god damned Cheerios uniform. Fuck! Every move she made in that thing was like sex on legs. He watched while Britt went back to the other Cheerios, but Rach kept going. He wanted to look away, but his eyes were drawn right back to her with every hip shake and shimmy. And how could he not watch her drop to the floor and fall into a perfect split or stretch one of her long ass legs (seriously for a midget her legs were like endless) over her. The thought passed through his head that he would love to pick her up and fuck her right where she was standing.

This shit wasn't even right! No way did he think crazy ass Berry was fuckable. It was all that locker room talk and that stupid uniform. He was used to hooking up with Cheerios and like the guys said - if he was gonna be forced to see _that_ much of her legs day in and day out, eventually he's gonna wanna get between them...or some shit like that.

"Wanna practice?"

Of course she was right there, looking at him with her too bright smile and big, brown eyes. Where the fuck had she come from. Great she was some kind of crazy ass stealth ninja too – wait, that shit was actually kinda badass.

"What the fuck do you want Berry?" What? Yeah she was hot, but she was still annoying.

She actually rolled her eyes at him. "You weren't dancing. I was wondering if you would want to practice. I mean you are my assigned partner, not Britt."

"Why? It's going to be the girls doing the singing. I don't know who the fuck Mickey is, but I refuse to sing about how 'fine' he is."

"Noah, you're going to have to lift me. Even if you and the other guys are mostly responsible for backup vocals, you need to be able to lift me, and I promise you I will sue if I so much as scratch myself because you weren't prepared."

"Please Berry. Have you seen these guns?" He flexed just to make sure she _really_ saw them. "And have you seen you? I could lift you one handed."

"I may be petite, but I work out a lot, so I'm probably mostly muscle."

"So? You're still a tiny midget."

"Muscle weighs more than fat Noah, and do you see a lot of extra fat on me?"

She took a few steps back and gestured to her tiny frame. The look on her face told him that now was the wrong time for a smartass answer. Luckily for her he couldn't think of one if he tried because her body looked like perfection.

"Nope. None at all. So what does that mean? You weigh ninety pounds instead of eighty? I bench more than that twice daily."

Her eyes narrowed slightly at him, but she finally shrugged. "Great. Show me."

Arms crossed over her chest, foot tapping impatiently, and one eyebrow arched - if it weren't for the smirk playing across her lips he would think she was really pissed.

"Fine. Show me what you need me to do."

For a moment a look passed over her eyes as she smirked at him, before he could really identify it her face broke out into her trademark brilliant smile. He ignored the strange feeling in his chest when that smile was shining on him as sweet and dazzling as fireworks on the Fourth of July. He decided any strange feelings he had was from actually daring to eat anything from 7-Eleven. Clearly that place was only good for Slushies and dip.

"Stand behind me." He followed her instructions and stood patiently as she went over what he would have to do while she did her steps and then she went through the moves she would doing. He kept losing his place because she was distracting. How was he supposed to remember shit when her ass was _that_ close to his crotch. And then she went down to the floor, facing him as she began sliding down into the first set of splits and kept her eyes on directly on his until she got to the floor and went through the part of the routine that was on the floor. He got lost just watching her because that girl was _seriously_ flexible, like he could do things with a girl _that_ flexible...if she wasn't crazy ass Berry that is. Funny how the fact that she was crazy ass Berry was becoming less and less of a bad thing. It took him a moment to realize that she was actually waiting for him to pick her back up. The bell rang just then and she gracefully got back to her feet.

"Okay guys. Next week I hope to have this down. Keep practicing!"

"You're going to wind up dropping me. I just know it. You're not even trying to learn this routine Noah. Luckily for you my Dads are in Columbus for the next week. Tonight's Friday, by Monday you will be able to do this or I swear to Barbara, Wicked and all else that is holy that losing your precious Mohawk last year will seem like absolutely nothing compared to what you'll lose if you ruin this." She glared at him and jabbed a finger in his chest. "Seriously the idea of you as a 'badass stud' will be the most distant of memories. Now, I'll see you promptly at 6pm.

With that said she turned and walked away, her skirt moving along with the switch of her hips and the bounce in her step. He had to fight the urge to rub his chest, cuz all that poking she did actually hurt a little.

"Fuck!" His weekend was all but ruined. He remembered her bedroom and her insanely comfortable bed. If he couldn't learn a stupid dance in school what the fuck was going to happen when he was alone with her in her room. He could spend every hour of this weekend trying and getting nowhere. This should not be happening to him. This was some Finn BS, he was way too badass to be outdone by a midget. Even if that midget was hot and drove him insane. It never even occurred to him to just not show up, cuz really? Chick was _scary._

Once he got to her house, he checked to see if she ever changed where she hid the spare key and finding it exactly where it was when they dated briefly during Sophomore year. He would have to have a talk with her later about personal safety. It's not that he cared or anything like that, but it was the right thing to do and his mom would probably kill him if he could have prevented the death of the only other hot Jewish teen in Lima. He let himself into her house and made his way to her room. When he got to her door and saw her perched on her bed, hair in a messy bun and wearing a tank top and short shorts. He knocked lightly on the open door to get her attention. She started slightly and looked up before giving him another one of those heart stopping smiles.

"Hello Noah. You're early."

"Yeah well I didn't want you all pissed and shit. Oh and I remembered where you kept your spare key so I - "

"Were you hoping to catch me doing something naughty?"

Her question totally caught him off guard. So did the accompanying smirk. He wasn't used to dealing with Berry like this, but he could definitely get used to it.

"Did I miss it?" He gave her one of my smirks back.

There was that look again - the one from earlier that he couldn't quite read followed by another smile. "I'll never tell." She said it in a teasing sing song voice. "So are you ready to begin?"

Great, she was wearing less clothes now and they were all alone. This would go well. "Sure. From the top?"

"As if you even remember from the top, or the middle, ending - any of it. So no, we'll skip that for now. I didn't really stretch earlier. Would you mind helping me?"

"Yeah sure, whatever. What do you need me to do?"

She promptly went to lay down on the floor.

"What the fuck are you doing Berry?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm getting ready to stretch Noah. I need you to help me stretch my leg over my head."

She had to be fucking kidding. He'd seen and helped some of the Cheerios do that shit. He had to be right on top of her to do that and he would be _way_ too close to places on her he shouldn't even be thinking about.

"So you need me to-"

"Unless you don't want to Noah. You seem hesitant. We could just skip this and I'll switch partners. Perhaps Finn...or Mike...ohhhhh wait Matt...definitely Matt. No worries Noah, I'm sure Matt won't mind-"

"Are you seriously questioning my badassness again. Do I have to keep showing you the guns-"

"And as always your arms are Lovely Noah, however-"

"No! Stop interupting me and get on the floor woman."

He must have imagined her satisfied smirk. There's no way that five foot nothing crazy ass chick just outsmarted him. "Okay. Ready when you are Noah."

He turned to help her, but was shocked when her leg was already high in the air, well on it's way to her forehead.  
1  
"And why do you need my help again? You look pretty damn stretched to me."

He had no idea how it was possible for her to give him such an exasperated look from that position.

"Just help Noah."

He cautiously leaned over her and gingerly pushed her leg closer to her.

"Harder Noah. I'll tell you if and when it hurts."

She sounded breathless when she said it, and that had his head in the gutter. He held her leg and pushed it further before holding it for a count of five. Her shorts seemed nonexistent they had ridden so far up and he had one hand high on her thigh while the other held her leg. When he was done he lowered that leg and gave her room to bring her other leg up. As he pushed her other leg over her head and held it, he tried to think of anything he could to distract him. Coach Tonaka...Miss Pillsbury...oh wait she was kinda cute...Sue Sylvester...Principal Figgins...Mailmen...Finn...Kurt...that was enough to put him under control. When he finished with that leg he started to back away, but her legs around his waist stopped him. He looked down at her to see her smirking up at him. Okay maybe he should've been listening to all her talk of muscle versus fat on her body. Crazy ass chick had thighs of fucking steel. And again she was like ninja fast too, cuz he didn't even have a chance to feel or see her move.

"Oops, my bad."

"What the fuck Berry."

She rolled her eyes dramatically at him. "Please Noah, _clearly_ you have no real issues with us in this position. To illustrate her point, she rotated her hips so that she pressed into him briefly. She looked at him through long lashes and smirked. "Yeah, you _really _mind, but here..." She unwrapped her long legs from around his waist – not that he couldn't have gotten out, he was just shocked – and rested them on either side of him.

"You can get up and we can get to practice."

He kept a hand on each leg, lightly caressing her from her ankles to high on her thigh. "What the fuck is going on in that crazy ass head of yours Berry."

"Your eyes burned holes into my ass Noah and when I went to _practice_" Emphasis on 'PRACTICE' cuz the crazy ass chick actually used air quotes. "With you I could...um...see why you had problems focusing. So I figured we're - as you would say - two hot jews, both currently unattached." She gave another smirk that was eerily similar to a classic Puck smirk. "It's natural."

"That didn't work on you and all I wanted was to touch a boob."

"Noah, we both know you wanted more than just to touch a boob." She totally brought out the air quotes again.

"Still didn't work." He wasn't still upset and he definitely wasn't pouting. It's just the principal of the matter.

She raised herself up so that she now rested on her elbows. She leaned forward so that her lips were near his ear. "You sound like a sulking child Noah, but-" And he swore her voice had lowered to a purring whisper that he almost felt more than he heard. "I can switch tactics. You'll get to touch more than a boob, it will definitely relax you and most of all-" She paused to lick along the shell of his ear and than biting down on his earlobe lightly before continuing. "You know you wanna." She started to lean back but it seemed that Puck had finally woken from his stupor. With a low growl he yanked her to him and kissed her passionately. He stood and lifted her up with him, her arms and legs wrapped around him automatically as she kissed him back, and backed them towards the bed. When he felt the bed at the back of his knees he leaned back and brought her fully on top of him. His hands tangled in her hair, yanking it loose from the ponytail holder, as her nails clawed at his arms, chest, upper back and wherever her hands could reach. When breathing became a serious issue, she pulled back from him. She was breathing heavily and he could feel her erratic heartbeat. Her skin was flushed, her hair a tousled mess down her back and her eyes looked almost black and bottomless. There was no way he could deny this girl was smoking hot, not with the way she just played him or kissed him or looked at him in that very moment.

"Now that you're on board with this plan, these clothes _need_ to go."

Fuck he was the man. The chick was crazy as hell and held onto her virginity extra tight and yet here they were, and he would happily get to be the one to relieve her of all her virginal duties – he was a little thankful no one could hear his Korofsky like joke. Too bad the chick was seriously a talker - like right now she was going on about Ms. Pillsbury and while she was kinda hot...cute...not ugly, that wasn't what he wanted to be discussing while she sat on top of him and undressed him - wait no gag reflex...what?

"I'm sorry babe, what did you say?"

She rolled her eyes and continued what she was doing. She had already yanked off his shirt and after spending a few moments running her hands over his chest and arms - yeah not even she could resist - she was on her knees in front of him undoing his belt.

"Glad you were listening Noah. I was saying that I had a very confusing conversation with Ms. Pillsbury last year. For whatever reason I wanted to throw up, and she thought I already had because some girl before me had thrown up and it was just _everywhere_ and-"

"Babe, vomit is not sexy."

She fixed a glare on him and continued what she was doing. By now his jeans and boxers were at his ankles and he had to kick them off. "Anyway, she really believed it was me and I kept telling her it wasn't." He was trying to figure out why he had asked for a repeat of that story. He couldn't even figure out the _point_ of the story. He gave her a questioning glance, waiting for her to continue. She shrugged her shoulders and looked up at him innocently through her lashes. "I finally explained to her that I tried, but I really don't think I have a gag reflex. She said when I'm older that will be a good thing." Her look of innocence turned into a sinful smirk. "I guess you'll be the one to tell me how a good a thing that is."

She leaned towards him and licked up, down and around the head and shaft of his cock like he was a fucking melting ice cream cone before her lips enveloped the head and smoothly slid down him. As she bobbed up and down, taking more of him into her mouth each time, her tongue was constantly moving - swirling around the head as she came up and sucked harder and caressing the underside of his cock as she took him into her mouth. Her eyes were on him the whole entire time and when he felt himself hit the back of her throat and then continue until her nose was touching his fucking waist, he wrapped her long hair around his wrist and held her head to him.

"Rach…babe…_FUCK…._you gotta stop…I'm gonna fucking co….FUCK RACHEL…!"

When he felt one of her hands move up his hip and to his chest, he thought it would be to stop him or hold down, but then he felt her nails rake across his nipples and down his stomach and thighs, he realized she was encouraging him. He couldn't stop himself from thrusting into her mouth and when he both felt and heard her swallow and then moan and hum around him, his mind blanked out with his orgasm. As he emptied himself into her mouth and felt her swallow every drop, he swore that he would never make fun of her again - no man hands, no talking too much, no treasure trail, no crazy ass Berry - cuz this girl was fucking perfection.

He still felt like he was in a daze as he felt her crawl up his body. She dropped kisses and love bites at random spots on him as she went. She kissed around his belly button, licked both of his nipples and lightly bit down at the spot where his neck met his shoulder before resting on top of him, her eyes on him as her chin rested on her folded hands.

"Mmmmm Noah. You taste every bit as good as you look." She looked as satisfied as the cat who ate the cream or the canary or the caviar or whatever. He couldn't wait to see what she looked like after he thoroughly fucked her. He just had to rest for a moment because even though he was the most badass stud Lima had ever seen, this tiny girl had just blown his fucking mind.

"Fuck me!" He let his head fall back for a moment as he tried to catch his breath.

She dropped another kiss onto his chest before hopping off of him in one quick movement.

"Maybe later, we do have all weekend after all. However, I do remember saying that you were going to learn that routine by Monday and I intend on making sure that happens."

He mustered up the energy to sit up – all of that talking she did and all those big words must have strengthened her entire mouth because he swore she sucked the life from him through his damn cock.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me Berry. You cannot give me a blow job like that and then expect me to bounce around singing about some Mickey dude. That shit's just not right babe."

"My performing oral sex on you was to relax you – "

"Fuck Berry, is that how you plan on relaxing the entire fucking Glee Club? Because you'll suck everyone into a goddamned coma and then that deaf choir will beat us without even fucking trying."

The glare she shot him was pure evil and it scared the shit out of him, but then she rolled her eyes and gave one of her normal bright smiles and continued. "and while you know I am definitely turned on by you and your bad boy image, and even more so after – " She gestured vaguely around her, for once at a loss for words. "_that…_you also have to know that performing is always going to be my top priority."

She proceeded to go through a series of stretches on her own before turning back to him. He was still sitting up on her bed looking at her as if she lost her mind. She walked back to him and straddled his hips. She leaned down to kiss him deeply, sighing when she felt his arms go around her and caress her bare skin underneath her tank top and shorts. She indulged him for a few moments more, nibbling then licking his bottom lip and pressing and rubbing herself against him, before sitting up again.

"Fuck. You're being a tease Berry. I just wanna return the favor babe." He leaned forward again to reach for her, but she was faster and already out of his reach. He tried to ignore the fact that she looked like she might be laughing at him a little bit. Ironically she was really trying not to do a happy dance at the effect she was obviously having on him.

"Noah I've been to a Chastity Club meeting. For the Cheerios, with their itty bitty uniforms, it's all about the teasing. All you date are Cheerios."

"Yeah, but babe there are like no actual virgins in the Chastity Club, much less the Cheerios."

That actually caused her to pause for a moment. "You've got a valid point there Noah. Why did they have that club again?" He felt like he might have actually won. He nearly pulled a Finn just thinking about seeing her naked and seeing if she tasted as sweet as her name implied. "Noah, if you do this for me now, imagine what I'll do for you later to show my gratitude."

Suddenly he felt like he got his second wind. He wasn't even mad that he wasn't getting his way just yet with a promise like that waiting for him. He looked at her sitting on top of him, head tilted to the side and long hair falling over her shoulder as she regarded him.

"So okay so I just lift you and toss you around a few times and then we're golden, right?"

She rolled her eyes at him again. "Yes Noah. Once you learn the routine and have it perfected, we can happily finish what I started."

Before she could say another word, he leaned forward and kissed her deeply and stood them both up in one swift motion.

"Well come on babe, what the fuck are you waiting for? We have a routine to learn."

She laughed as he put on his boxers and pants and prepared to seriously learn what he came here for her to teach him. He couldn't believe that just this morning he was trying to block out all that locker room talk about who would do crazy ass Berry, and now he was laughing in her room with her after she had just given him the world's absolute best blow job ever. Who knew? Crazy ass Berry really was _crazy_ hot. He should thank Korofsky, but thinking about it he might just punch the asshole's lights out for talking about his girl like that – because she may not have been his girl this morning, but he wasn't going to let her go now.

He stood behind her as she went through her steps, and actually paid attention as she showed him the steps he would have to do and when and how he would have to lift her and spin her. He wasn't nearly as distracted by the girl doing sexy ass moves in front of him, her eyes looking all sweet and inviting as she showcased her skills and flexibility. He would never tell her how well her plan worked to get him to learn the routine – especially since Finn was worst than he could ever be and he would be damned if she volunteered her 'relaxation techniques' for anyone but him.

The End


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